Woman - A Chemical Analysis

                                     ELEMENT: 
                                      WOMAN

                                   SYMBOL: WO2 

                                DISCOVERER: ADAM 

       ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 pounds, but is known to vary from 
       100 to 550 pounds.

   OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas, various colors and
   shapes, linked or unchained.

                              PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 

   1. Surface ussually covered with a painted film. 
   2. Boils at nothing, oftenly freezes shortly afterwards in a very unsuitable moment. 
   3. Melting point often rather high, but can be considerably decreased by soft light,
   tender treatment and alcoholic drinks. 
   4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
   5. Found in various states ranging from   virgin metal to common ore. 
   6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. 

                              CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 

 1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
 4. May react fiercly if left alone.
 5. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly  increased by saturation in alcohol.
 6. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man. 

                                  COMMON USES: 

           1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. 
           2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

                                       TESTS: 

  1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink, when discovered in the natural state.
  2. Turns green when placed besides a better specimen. 

                                     HAZARDS: 

   1. Unwrapping for technical reasons most oftenly very difficult and
   time consuming. 
   2. Highly explosive in unexperienced hands. 
   3. Highly illegal to possess more than one except  in certain areas (e.g. Saudi-Arabia...) 
   4. Storation can be very  expensive...